how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
