Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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