So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
