I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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