I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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