If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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