I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
