$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
