can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
