I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As shirtless as possible
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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