mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
