Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
