I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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