sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
