When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
