It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
