he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
