she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
home. puking in laundry basket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
