i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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