lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
