I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
