Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
