I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
