He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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