i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
