I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
