bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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