apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
