wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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