and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
