69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
