I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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