Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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