I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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