I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
