When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
