just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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