If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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