i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
