i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did i walk over a car last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
