In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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