Im at strip club and am horny
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so let's talk penis.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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