literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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