its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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