I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
