if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
