We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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