Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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