physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
