I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
